Stressed out...

I can't deal with this... I can't. My godfather is missing, he's probably dead. I need someone to hold me and tel me it's going to be all right :'(
I need him, by my side :(

Loneliness...

I've been feeling so lonely lately...
Yes, I know I have a lot of people that are there to support me, but that doesn't seem enough... I feel they're not there in reality.

Today a friend of mine came to me, saying that she wouldn't come to my birthday dinner because it would be a pain in the ass to put up with me all night. She then said she was joking, and that she'd come, but the truth is I felt like crying that instant :(

Even if they are normally joking about that stuff, it still hurts. Even if it isn't true, it feels like the truth to me. And I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, but that's how I feel... Even if it isn't true.

I also spoke to him today. We were talking about relationships and stuff like that, and I was preparing myself to tell him how I feel. And then he said that there was a girl that liked him once, that he didn't find interesting, so he told her horrible things to keep her away from him.

I guess I'm not telling him anything after all. I don't want to be just another one of the girls he scares away.

Sleepless nights...

I was on vacation this week, 6 days away from school. Haven't been able to sleep 1 hour straight in all these days...

I feel so stressed out, I'm sick to my stomach.

What's wrong with me? This isn't the first time I felt like this... Even my head hurts.

Can love do this to people? :(

Memories...

The wounds opened again... After 7 years, I'm thinking about you again... You made me a bad person in every sense of the word... You made me have a cold heart, you made me pretend that everything's okay, everyday... And I hate it.

Because of you I can't even stand the thought of falling in love. Because it hurts too much to think that something like that can happen again.
And although I can't admit it to anyone, I AM in love. And it's just easier to say I'm not interested in anyone, because if I admit it, I fear it will happen all over again.
Although he's not perfect, he's the one I want to be with. And you're preventing me from ever telling him how I feel. Because you turned my heart into stone.

Beginning...

I've wondered for a long time if I should create this blog or not... Ultimately I decided to do it, because I need an escape. An escape from me, from the happiness I pretend to feel every day. I needed to have my personal spot, somewhere where I could say what I want, when I want. Because I'm too cold of a person to trust anyone with my true feelings. 

I'm writing in english because I find it easier to express myself, although my native language is portuguese (not that anyone is going to read this, but anyway...)