Loneliness...

I've been feeling so lonely lately...
Yes, I know I have a lot of people that are there to support me, but that doesn't seem enough... I feel they're not there in reality.

Today a friend of mine came to me, saying that she wouldn't come to my birthday dinner because it would be a pain in the ass to put up with me all night. She then said she was joking, and that she'd come, but the truth is I felt like crying that instant :(

Even if they are normally joking about that stuff, it still hurts. Even if it isn't true, it feels like the truth to me. And I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, but that's how I feel... Even if it isn't true.

I also spoke to him today. We were talking about relationships and stuff like that, and I was preparing myself to tell him how I feel. And then he said that there was a girl that liked him once, that he didn't find interesting, so he told her horrible things to keep her away from him.

I guess I'm not telling him anything after all. I don't want to be just another one of the girls he scares away.